Rewind #30

Cat Power: Jukebox (2008)

I first heard Cat Power back in 2000 on some local college radio station while passing through Irvine on our way to San Francisco. Chan Marshall's voice was immediately captivating and we've been hooked ever since. A few years ago she released the album "You Are Free" and suddenly Cat Power was at the top of my list. I listened to all her stuff, saw her live a couple of times (even met her for a moment in the back of the Casbah), and pretty much became an all-time devoted fan. I've yet to hear something from her that is actually not good. I think that when we're eighty-five-years-old, Xtimu and I will still be listening to these songs, much the same way that we delve into the passion of Billie Holliday. Yeah, Chan's voice is that good. Even though this album is another covers record, bringing us back to where we started, it would be a shock to find that I neglect to add a Cat Power album to a list like this. J'adore this muse.



Business of Being Born: Abby Epstein (2007)

After going through our second birthing process this past year (welcome Quinnita!), as well as trying something completely different (midwifery), this movie was a perfect documentary for us. Why is it that the United States has one of the most deplorable maternity care systems in the modern world? Because the documentary answers many questions like this and gives tremendous insight into the history of maternity care in America, it's a movie that everyone should see, not just those expecting. Our experience with the midwives this past year as compared to the clinical surgical hospital environment the first time around was eye-opening. The natural wonder of child-birth was shocking and amazing, and if any woman has the courage to embrace the process, the reward is divine. Ultimately, what is frighteningly revealing is the way that Big Business can distort something so fundamental beautiful and natural in order to gain some access toward profit. I have often ranted against the corporate model on this site but watching this movie, I came to realize that it isn't capitalism in general that I despise but the greedy nature of a system that would look toward profits before the health of a person. There is no economic system that can remain viable if it disregards the very people that make the system function in the first place. People must come first, people! It just doesn't seem like such a complicated idea. In this movie we see that the natural experience of child-birth should have only one purpose, the well-being of the mother and child. Until we take that truth to heart, this country will continue to lag behind the rest of the world.

51 Months

So, after two weeks of absolutely no practice whatsoever, Lucas pulls out his violin and seamlessly performs all of his requisite music and adds a song or two that he composed himself. Even though it may sound like he's following in Mozart's footsteps, he's not quite on par with the great composer's ability but I am constantly amazed by his retention skills.

A couple of weeks ago we traveled north up the coast of California to spend the winter solstice amongst the wonders of Big Sur, which was the main reason that Lucas took a breather from his continuous music lessons. Being in that part of the state was very refreshing and relaxing. We stayed in Cambria, which is a mellow little town amongst the trees and the crash of the ocean. It was cold and rainy but every time I stepped out into the coastal air, I felt fresh and alive. I never focused on the elements at all except to appreciate the wonders of this natural landscape.

Lucas is amazing when it comes to scrambling around a new environment. He becomes enamored with every little detail and so often I'm reminded of the simple joy inherent in the mind and body of a four-year-old. He often follows me over every rock and cliff as we seek to discover what lies beyond and when I look back to see his little body navigating the torturous terrain of sea walls, my heart panics for a moment. Then I remind myself of the amazing ability that these little people carry around, that he's so capable and enduring and that I only need to be there to catch them if they fall. I'm not there to do it for them.

Lucas' violin teacher, Ms. Jane, always has so much confidence in her students and to watch her communicate with Lucas on a fundamentally equal level is so eye-opening. When we raise these kids from the moment they come into this world, from when they absolutely need you to do everything for them, it's very easy to develop a sense of superiority and a habitual domineering attitude toward them. But Ms. Jane often reminds me that Dr. Suzuki was one of the first instructors to elevate the students above the teacher. He knew that these kids were so much smarter than us adults. We think that we know so much but our brains are slowing down. We've come to accept certain ideas as definitive when nothing in this universe ever stays that way. The older that we get, the harder it is for us to change but what else truly exists in this life, except for change?

Often, in my daily life, I am treated with the reality of people who decided long ago that they needn't learn anything else, that they have developed enough. We see it everywhere around us, hear it on the radio and embrace it wholeheartedly in our culture. So, Whenever I get the chance, whenever I see the potential in my two beautiful children, I try to hold onto that energy and carry it forward with each day, the older I get. They are a wonderful light that we can shine before us as we go deeper into the cave of obscurity.

One of my best memories of our time together in Big Sur was when we stopped at the Henry Miller Memorial Library. It's a small quaint spot off highway 1 filled with strange sculptures in the garden and a room full of books. It was raining when we stopped and the air was gelid, so as we hurried into a heated room filled with the aroma of coffee and fresh print. I felt very serene in this comfortable environment. Even though I'm not a huge fan of Mr. Miller (despite the personal homage), I've always loved these literary environments where one can wallow in the poetry of the past. This place embodied that spirit, which Henry probably loves as his shadow wraps itself around the landscape. Inside this den of wonder was a small, beat-up piano and Lucas spotted it right away and descended upon it. He began to feel out the voice in the beast and searched the keys for familiar notes. Soon he was playing little dirges and experimenting with various sounds. At times it escalated into noisy bombastic fuel but mostly he simply sought out to articulate an essence that he could communicate with this place where we had stopped for a brief moment, and it was supremely beautiful to hear this little boy talk with the keys of this piano.

Lucas has a musical heart. He is rich with a tender spirit and so often I discover moments when he is completely in tune with his inner space and regardless of what is happening around him, he really touches this life with genuine creativity. I love to witness it and cherish him when it happens. Out amongst the devastating artistic nature of this secluded coast, Lucas discovered that which Henry Miller tried so desperately to communicate to the world with his writing; that the expression of our soul right where we are is the very reason for our existence.

Rewind #31

Pram: The Moving Frontier (2007)

I guess this band has been making music for thirteen years or something like that, although back when I thought I was cool and listened to a bunch of cutting edge groups in the early-to-mid-nineties (like these guys), I'd never heard of Pram. I was blown away when I discovered them this year. How was it possible for below-the-radar music like this to travel outside my periphery? This is exactly what I am constantly looking for, especially since I met Xtimu and expanded beyond the normal college radio indie cliche. Blossoming from the roots of acid-jazz it reaches for the length of the sky but one filled with stars. With haunting wistful energy, it cascades across the desert night and the roar of ancient oceans thrum beneath the sand, a life still wanting in the husk of ivory death. In the end I find myself huddling close to the fire while outside the ring of light, I can feel the omniscient presence of the of the universe breathing close, reminding me of the infinite expanse deep within my very self.



Michael Clayton: Tony Gilroy (2007)

Ah, what to make of a movie about corporate lawyers who struggle to deal with some heavy corrupt disgusting crap with one of their largest clients. Heres' the gist; one of the partners has an revelatory breakdown of sort when he finally comes to see the devastation some of his corporate clients are inflicting upon the world (especially young pretty teenagers), which doesn't bold well for the firm or the client. George Clooney cruises around in his self-deprecating way (oh, he's so good at that) as he tries to clean up the mess, only to discover that the murky existence that they've been wallowing in for so long has one ending. BOOM! yeah, that's your car exploding in the background. It doesn't really sound like a great movie when you hear about it and it's not the most original idea in the book, but what helps it all is that everyone involved in the film seemed to want to make something of quality. You can feel it in the production value, to the script, to the acting and the directing. It looks and feels like a superior product. But what ultimately takes this movie up a notch is the performances by a couple of the actors (don't be shocked, it's not Clooney). Tom Wilkinson and Tilda Swinton are astounding in this film. Swinton took the academy award for her portrayal of a company lawyer out of her element and she absolutely deserved it, but is their really an actor out their who is on the level of Tom Wilkinson? Whenever I see him in a scene, the screen just seems brighter. It glows, that's how good he is. Check him out in the movie "In The Bedroom", one of my favorite movies of all time.

Rewind #32

Johnny Flynn: A Larum (2008)

Nanna tells me that this album sounds like the Beatles. I don't know if that's because Johnny Flynn is English or because it has pop melodies that reminisce upon a past presence. It definitely takes me back to a time before I understood how to study music with a learned ear. I remember watching the movie Yellow Submarine sometime during the seventies, sometime during the era when my imagination didn't need extra stimulation to see the kaleidoscope arrangements of the universe. That movie was crazy, wild and woolly, and it scared the hell out of me. There are certain vivid primal recollections that I have with music and movies. I'll hear a song that I can't recall ever hearing before it weaves its way through my body like an aural snake. I'll have a strange vision that emanates deep from within my mind, edited with an uncanny precision. Nothing from my life could possibly exist in such a way but there they are, affecting the very heart of me. Sometimes I want to search out those responsible for this remembering but then another part of me whispers from down a long chasm, "don't chase it away, let it lie coiled deep within your warmth."



Bella: Alejandro Gomez Monteverde (2006)

Bella is a love story. Victor Frankl said that the greatest secret that human poetry and human thought and belief have to impart is the salvation of man through love and in love. The young chef, Jose, embodies this ideal in this movie. He embraces love for the simple sake of appreciating another human being, not because he wants or needs something from her, but simply because she is human. It's not a type of love that we ordinarily see upon the big-screen. This is a love of family and friendship and care, a love that searches for the essence of life and embraces the energy of existence. It's a love that happens to surround each and every one of us all the time. Jose simply notices it and embraces it. He reaches out because a long time ago there was an accident, which he played a crucial role, that destroyed this love swiftly and decidedly. Jose has another chance to make a difference in life, to help love thrive and that's what he chooses to do. It's beautiful and I can appreciate a movie with that kind of message. It makes me want to go and look at my children while they sleep.

Rewind #33

Erykah Badu: New Amerykah Part One-4th World War (2008)

Erykah Badu is a goddess, a timeless voice that resonates beyond any caged genre. I have no problem delving into my music library and unearthing her sound, whether it's this latest album we have before us now or something from years gone by. Her portrait will be heard through the ages and when further generations look back on our time, I know that her amazing voice will continue to carry the strength of value. Strength...yeah...her spirit is vital and full. It punishes with heady wisdom and opens the avenues of the soul. She has a political and social voice that strives to bring people together amidst the burning chaos of our age. She uses her artistic virtue to help the world understand its flaws. She moans with the vivacious blood of royalty, enriching all of those who open their minds to her message. She's a dream and I hope that during this wretched time in our lives, she comes among the slumber with vibrant wings imparting the truth.



Oasis: Chang-dong Lee (2002)

A strange true-to-life South Korean film that depicts the love story between a socially awkward young man, Jong-du, and a young woman, Gong-ju, with severe cerebral palsey. What this movie does extremely well is portray the way that "normal" society deflects and uses these outcasts. From the way that his brother allowed Jong-du to take the wrap for manslaughter to how Gong-ju's relatives use her disability to gain access to a premier apartment while leaving her in their old shitty place across town. These are extreme cases of the way our societies take advantage of those who don't seem to fit-in and as we watch them exploit our hero and heroine, we all cringe at their evil behavior. But this type of behavior occurs in varying degrees constantly and we never flinch. It may not be so obvious but it's a defining aspect of our culture to undermine those who are beneath us. It's the easiest way to the top, to make the most money; exploit, exploit, exploit! On the other hand, we have two individuals who are trying to make the most of their situation and amongst all the crap, fall in love. It's not the type of love that is written in the lines of great poems but it is genuine and honest, though awkward for the viewer. The actress who plays Gong-ju, Moon So-ri, is astounding! There are moments when the narrative descends into her mind and she transforms into a woman without any disability whatsoever. Up until the first time that this happens I was convinced that she was really disabled by cerebral palsy and the transformation literally blew my mind, rarely do we witness such acting ability.

Rewind #34

Thao & The Get Down, Stay Down: We Brave Stings And All (2008)

I heard the song, Feet Asleep, a couple of years ago on a compilation disc. It was good, one of the better songs on the album but every time I looked for more music from Thao Nguyen, my search revealed nothing. So, when I noticed the release of this album early this year, I was excited. I thought that I would be welcoming a strange new voice into the realm of indie greatness. Then I listened...and listened...and listened some more and for some reason all that I could conjure up was a partial shrug of appreciation. That was almost ten months ago. I'm still listening and the songs have wormed their way into me. The essence of her music has grown beyond a simple analysis of what I can expect to obtain from this sound. There's nothing to expect, nothing to know, nothing to learn. I've found a small part of the universe that has burst through like a tiny supernova upon my brain. I hear the weight of it and I completely understand.


Climates: Nuri Bilge Ceylan (2006)

Every so often a film-maker comes along and they have an awareness of the profound saving grace of the cinematic eye. They make a film that doesn't actually have to say anything, doesn't have to carry you along a traditional vein. They simply have to reveal what it is that they see. Nuri Bilge Ceylan is one of those masters. This movie is about a miserable man, a selfish beast. Someone that you'd never care for in a million years. Ceylan plays this man in the film and his wife in the film, is his actual wife in real life but I don't know if the story in the film, their separation, is in any way related to reality. I don't even care. I only want to watch this woman stand in the cold, while she stares up into the snow after the trail of a plane that carries off her husband's deceit. Because it's beautiful, this moment. It's absolutely exquisite and sometimes that's all you need from a film.

Rewind #35

Caroline Herring: Lantana (2008)

I have a love/hate relationship with country music. Whenever I hear your standard country fare resonating over the airwaves my immediate reaction is one of horror. Can music really be this bad? I mean, it's absolutely unbearable trying to force my way through a Tim McGraw song. But I also was raised on the music of Lynard Skynard, JJ Cale, Dylan and the man in black. So I natural tend to gravitate toward musicians like Wilco, Neko Case, Canyon and Jim White. There's a fine line between the two; one providing incredible music of quality and the other offering, well, total shite. When I first listened to Caroline Herring, I felt my art sentience clenching. I didn't know how to react, but then I closed my eyes and heard her amazing voice. Her songs are soft with country spirit and they began to touch my heart. No matter what genre of music you peruse, there will always be varying degrees of great beauty aligned with complete degradation. Fortunately, this wonderful chanteuse is one of the former.



Be Kind Rewind: Michel Gondry (2008)

I know, I know, I know the movie just isn't that good. It rambles and wanders and doesn't have much focus. It's a film that basically exists so that Gondry can show off his low-fi special effects skills (which are super cool by the way, check out the cardboard cutouts for the lion king and the old-fashioned cars). So why should we indulge a movie that's simply a big Gondry wank-fest? Because within the heart of his movies lies a sweetness that we don't see enough in our culture. The magical realism in the story of Fats Waller and the devotion to the great legend given by Mos Def via the cinema is so wonderfully optimistic that, by the end, you want to cheer right along with everyone in the neighborhood. To witness the transformation of a young man who doesn't know what he wants in life developing into an eager person creating immense value with his art. That's the very spirit of every aspiring film-maker out there! Michel Gondry has accomplished the goal of every artist; to have the freedom and opportunity to passionately make art that reflects who you are and what you wish to become. His vision is unique, beautiful and uncompromising. I love it and aspire to create in a similar way, and that's why I ultimately wish to honor his work.

Rewind 2008

So, I do this thing every year where I look back on the music and movies that I heard and saw the previous year and count down those that managed to climb down beneath my skin. I do the best that I can to focus on the ones that are related to the year in question but this isn't my job so, unfortunately, I don't attend many movie premieres or advance screenings. Thus I tend to lag behind when it comes to the current gems found upon the golden screen, but I'm constantly devouring the wonders of cinema and we all know that a masterpiece stands tall with the best films of any era. And with the music, well, it's close enough.

I usually start my countdown in the new year but since I connect with the natural cycle of the solstice, along with the fact that every year I manage to expand the list, I decided to begin by following the tones of the universal clock.

I'll just give a brief preview of what to expect and then each day will reveal a new wonder in the world of film and the promise of good music. I present this preview because I was too embarrassed to admit that I liked these examples enough to include them on my final list. Enjoy!

The Sounds: Dying To Say This To You (2007)

I remember a fundamental part of my youth, when I became aware of the nature of music; the way that it seemed to sense my emotions, a raw tug-o-war against the ragged currents of my tweens. It was a time when ska horns rang through my head with Madness and the frenetic jolt of pop music turned me into a Missing Person before my parent's eyes. Those years were also filled with sex-charged rock flung from painted lips to tease a young boy's dreams of discovery; Terri Nunn, Debbie Harry, Ann & Nancy, Pat Benatar, Joan Jett. Music that thrummed with the type of energy that washed the day from the night, heated and pulsing, aching and yearning, all of it designed to illuminate a strange uncharted journey that I knew absolutely nothing about. Maja Ivarsson of The Sounds is the modern day version of those beautiful and wonderful women of rock. I don't mean that the music is the same but when I listen to The Sounds, there's this small part of me that is so awkwardly familiar that I suddenly cannot stop myself from loving everything that I hear storming out of the speakers. I know that there's some eleven-year-old boy out there right now discovering the wonders of life with this album as his soundtrack.



Cloverfield: Matt Reeves (2007)

I have this thing with movies carrying around a semblance of an honest heart. I also grew up watching movies like Friday the 13th and Alien at the drive-in with my dad (uh, yeah). So this movie really seemed to click with me for some reason. I could expound endlessly about how much I hate hollywood schlock and the LCD factor of most studio productions and how independent productions are true to the core of art or whatever bullshit might sound good at the moment, but we all understand the reasons a movie grabs us. And if you don't then you probably don't like the same movies as me and you probably didn't like Cloverfield for all of the reasons that I liked it. I liked how it stuck to its gimmicky-video-of-the-moment concept, stuttering camera and all. I liked that they didn't reveal anything about the monster until it ate the cinematographer at the end. I like that it didn't really let you know what happened to all the pretty people we chased around with for two hours. I liked that I didn't recognize any of those pretty people. And I mostly liked it because it made me feel like I was almost there, in the film, running and screaming and dying along with them, which is why we go and see these types of movies in the first place.

Eleven Months (Part Two)

The Three Questions by Jon J. Muth

So, I was reading this book to Lucas and Quinn the other night. I bought it when he was a wee one at a great local store that, unfortunately, no longer exists. Though the book seemed a bit too deep for a newborn, I imagined the day that I would pull it out and read it to my children, enlightening their beautiful little minds. Well, that day has finally arrived.

It's a story of a young boy who feels that if he can discover the truth regarding three questions, then his life will begin to unfold as he always wanted. The questions are "When is the best time to do something?", "Who is the most important person in my life?" and "What is the right thing to do?". They are three fundamental questions that we are constantly asking ourselves no matter where we are in our lives. Well, the boy asks his companions (a heron, a monkey and a dog), who give various answers depending on the nature of who they are but this doesn't satisfy him, all seem to have something missing. Finally he goes to ask the wise old turtle who lives up the mountain and in the process of spending the day with the sage, discovers that the answers to his questions lie in the very heart of life as it plays out day-by-day, moment-by-moment.

The book is based on a story by Leo Tolstoy, which was the main reason I bought it (I don't know what it is, but I'm inexplicably drawn to the giants in Russian literature from the turn of the twentieth century, I feel intimately connected to them for some reason). At the time that I purchased it I didn't read the book completely but it liked the artwork and the story seemed like it was philosophically universal, which is part of the educational foundation that we are trying to provide for our kids. Well, as I finished reading it to my two love children, I was really blown away by its heart-felt message.

The best time for us to do something in our lives is right before us. Our experiences that occur at each moment are there for a reason. Instead of strategizing about when I can do something important or fun or useful or exciting, if we embrace the moment, then our task right then becomes truly important.

With that same thought then, the most important person in our lives is the person with which we share this moment. Whoever we are with, treat them as if they are the most important person in our lives.

Once we appreciate and embrace whoever is in our environment, then we naturally want to do good by them and that is always the right thing to do. That is how we can live peaceful and enjoyable lives.

It seems so simple but in our selfish culture, we unfortunately fall into the habit of always wishing for more. We never seem to have enough. In this holiday season, I feel that it's important to remember that we are infinitely wealthy. We have so much. Our garages are bulging from all of our stuff. The arteries in our landfills are clogging to the point of cardiac arrest. Our houses grow bigger every time we plant-down a new development. It's an endless cycle of consumption that has finally begun to reach its limit. The recession isn't happening because we don't have enough money. It's because we don't have enough space for all of our shit! Instead of bailing out the old dinosaur capitalist venture, why don't we adapt to the needs of the world. We are bloated beyond our capacity. We need to start on a new exercise regiment, work-out some of the fat that has made us unbearably obese. Do we really need to buy a new car just so the auto industry won't collapse? My old car gets me where I want to go just fine. Do my children really need more toys that I don't have room for? They just end up at the thrift store anyway? Let's downsize the old economy, create a leaner sustainable system that appreciates people before product. Let's stop trampling the very life-force of humanity because there's an unbelievable sale at Wal-Mart! Let's breath the fucking air while we still can, before the long term effects of this nasty diseased culture kill us all!

The best part about reading this book to my children was that it was the end to a wonderful day. I came home from work, took them to the library. Then Lucas had gymnastics, so the three of us headed out together. When we returned home, I made dinner and we all sat down to a great meal. We played Chutes and Ladders. We played some more. And not once, did I feel the need to check the internet, to focus on my own various distractions. So to end the day with this beautiful book and its timeless message that I was truly living, I simply looked at the kidlets and my heart tingled.

I realized that in order for my kids to turn into amazing human beings, then I need to implant these type of messages into their lives as much as possible. I need to read this book to them a hundred times so that they can read it to themselves while they sleep. We are constantly fighting the good fight with everything that we put into our lives. Our culture likes to implant images of violence and patriarchy and segregation and sexism and racism and greed and hunger and anger and need. But we also have the means to implant things of wonder and beauty and compassion and generosity and wisdom and nurture and love. I want my children to get more of the latter from me because they help make the dream real.

One other thing; this very evening Quinn began to wave when you say Hi to her.

50 Months

The weight of our words.

We give power to words, each one affecting us dramatically depending on how it's used. We communicate effectively or not so much depending on our understanding of words. They can be complicated or simple or lazy or demanding. They follow us throughout the day like a trail of knowledge and the aftertaste may linger with bitterness. Throughout it all we use words all the time and knowing how to use them is one of the fundamental human quandaries that have hounded us throughout the ages.

At four, Lucas is growing fond of words and how they are used. He has a keen sense of recall that astonishes both Xtimu and I every day. One of the problems that arises with a four-year-old is that they will find a way to repeat every word that washes over them. This can be an issue for various reasons and the way that parents deal with it will be debated until the end of time, I imagine.

Recently, Lucas asked me, "What does fuck taste like?" And then, just the other day, he was having trouble, due to the change in the weather, getting the back door open. Xtimu was cutting my hair in the garage so neither of us could respond to his demands for help, even as they escalated in tone. Finally we hear the door swing open and slam closed, and while I'm congratulating the little guy for his determination we hear his angry voice coming closer toward us, "The god-damn door isn't working correctly." Xtimu and I both start laughing behind our teeth as he storms into the garage.

Why are you laughing? One may ask. I know that it may seem wrong to some that Lucas, at four, already has such a vociferous vocabulary but inside my head, I was proud that he actually used the word in the correct context.

In our culture, we have allowed certain words to lord over us, heavy with irony. A word is only a word after all. We created it and used it and built it up with all of its burden, but in the end it is only letters strewn together in a cohesive order to describe some aspect of our life. It's not the word itself but the way that we use them that ultimately is a problem. So, as someone who loves to use words creatively, I've always had an issue with someone telling me that certain words are "bad" words, while others are traditionally accepted.

Take the word, "family", for instance. I think that simply saying the word brings to mind a positive response for most people but, as we recently saw in the last election here in California, people took this faithful word and used it in very hateful ways. While the word, "fuck", pretty much causes a panic response of some type with a lot of people but just about everyone in the world has benefited from the use of the verb context of this "horrible" word.

For us, we don't hold our punches just because a word may be perceived as negative in our society. Sure, we know when to say it and when to hold our tongue, it takes an certain amount of etiquette to understand how to use all words. Apparently Lucas is learning everything about us and mimicking us even when we might not want him to do that. Though, what is becoming quite apparent is that it is now time for Lucas to become aware of that etiquette. So we don't tell him that the word itself is "bad", we simply try to help him to understand that there are people out there who will take offense toward how he uses words.

It's very important for us, as a culture, to understand the ways that we develop. How we communicate, what we portray to others, is the only way that we can connect with other human beings. Lucas does this amazingly well at such a young age. So often, I'm completely startled by his level of sophistication but one of the reasons that he is so elevated, even compared to some adults that I know, is that we don't hold back with him. We try to explain everything to him, even though he has so many questions. We respect him as a human being and he keeps proving us right. It was no different in this instance, with the way that he used "god-damn", either.

I have faith in him. I know that he'll be respectful and kind-hearted. That's his nature. Having a few words like "god-damn" or "fuck" in his vocabulary won't change that. His awareness will continue to grow and in the end, Lucas is going to be an amazing person.

This is Lucas' favorite song