Monday, November 12, 2007


(start at the beginning)

Part Three:

He called her Black River. She snaked through the night, like liquid. She hugged the the road with a steady moan and broke through the atomic universal current with rhythmic clarity, smooth as the dark silky breath beneath the wings of the paradisaical raven. With the age of industry she moved like the glide of water over terrain, unencumbered by obstacles and swallowed the night with a soft purr. She moved like the echo of a shadow, naked as amatory desire beneath a bed of stars peering down with winking vision. When he sat with her nothing affected him with such transcendence, nothing awoke his vital senses with such clarity, communing deeply with the rhythm of his soul. She alone defined his existence in this world.

She came from his thorough wisdom and creative spirit, sprang from his vivid imagination giving her the purpose that was indelibly written in his heart. He longed to touch the complex beauty and intuition that gave humanity the dark pleasure of the road, it's dusty ambition spreading across the map until it reached the edge of coastline east and west and everywhere in between with the consuming heat of asphalt. He became the engine that propelled humanity forward with a leap that left time dwindling in the rear-view mirror. He built a medium, swift and light as the antelope, but also strong and timeless as the fierce voice of nature so as to commune with the perfect harmony and poetry of the road.

What he built became Black River and she was loyal and true and never failed him. The unspoken shudder of helplessness never descended down his arms from where he held her guidance with tight caressing comfort. The harsh diseased cough of collapse never rose from the depths of her oily heart. The wicked steamy sigh of premature death never escaped from her hooded lips. She simply responded with a contented growl every time the ball of his foot pressed her for an answer and shifted into gear with firm potency beneath the palm of his hand.

She spoke to him in that way as the image of a woman with her arm raised high above her head, red bandanna clutched in her hand, reflected from his eyes onto the cool green glow of instrumental control. He never wavered, steady as the pulse in his wrist, focused only upon the woman and the black path beneath trees and stars that lay beyond her quivering shoulder. There was the rise of excitement climbing in the woman's eyes and he settled into the deep bucket seat ready to set Black River into motion. It was coming, this moment of truth. He knew where to find it in the erratic tinge of adrenaline that shook the human body until it could no longer sit still, until it could only act. That was when he sprang into action and discovered the most profound pleasure. A rhythmic gentle symbiosis with Black River unmatched by anyone or anything.

And then he saw it, the woman who stood before him paused for just a moment, a brief hesitation in her posture and a shadow of terror caught in her eyes. That's when she gave him reason to smile.

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Wednesday, November 07, 2007

37 Months

Lucas really doesn't like to be pinned down so that he can't move. It's one of the few things in life that absolutely gets him freaked out very quickly and since he's still learning how to express himself in a productive manner, he immediately goes into screech mode. I don't know why this intrigues me so much but I can't help but wonder what is at the root of this phenomenon. Unless he's completely exhausted Lucas has been a very pleasant joyful soul that has become an integral part of our family. It's been a wonderful three years and now that we have another baby on the way, I actually feel really good about Lucas becoming a big brother. When I think about him in that role, it mostly brings a warm smile to my face.

He's just a damn good kid!

We have certain inherent attributes that we are born with that influence how we interact with our environment. These were passed down through an intricate genetic pathway developed in the womb and voila!, ten months later we are who we are. These traits are what we call karma and depending on the external stimuli we often respond in natural ways based on this karma. I was a very shy child who hid beneath my mother's skirts when I had to face something or someone unknown and now when I have do deal with a strange or difficult situation my first reaction is to shut my mouth and pause. On the opposite end, Xtina easily deals with the same situation with abrupt and often startling action, people twice her size can quickly become meek in her presence.

These types of reactions under duress quickly show our karmic tendencies and depending on the situation can either have a positive or negative effect on our lives. Sometimes it's great to keep my mouth shut and sometimes I really need to have the courage to overcome that inherent karmic tendency and give someone a piece of my mind. In Buddhism we often speak about changing our karma but I'm not so sure that's really the way that we should be looking at it. We're not really trying to change our karma as much as learn how and when to use our karma effectively and when to reject these karmic traits so that we may address the situation in a new way at the necessary times. That's why it's so important for us to develop a state of life where we have the wisdom to understand the difference.

But Lucas obviously doesn't have the understanding yet on when he should allow his karmic tendencies to take over or when he should suppress that tendency. He is only three-years-old after all. I see now why they call it parenting. We are here to teach them about certain vital socially acceptable abilities and eventually help them to understand how to make the choice for themselves. It almost seems too simple but of course it never is. Quite often we deal with people who have never learned how to use their karma effectively and it has an adverse effect on the environment around them. Quite often those people can impact a greater portion of society, such as the President of the United States. Quite often those people are us.

This is the ultimate responsibility of parenthood. This is the reason that every child should be cherished and wanted and loved no matter the karmic baggage. We gave them that baggage it's up to us to help them carry it for awhile so that one day they may have the strength to lift it themselves.

I have to share one of Lucas' karmic traits that I absolutely adore and that I hope to nurture and cherish my whole life. Many mornings, as I prepare for work, Lucas will often awake and ask me what I'm doing. I tell him that I'm getting ready for work of course and he immediately groans and tells me in a most desperate voice, "Nooooo, please don't go to work daddy." Which in and of itself is enough for my heart to burst open but then to top it all off he adds with sleep slurring the edge of his words, "I love you so."

Sometimes he's so completely loving it's absolutely amazing.

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