Sunday, October 30, 2005

Thirteen Months

Oh the little guy loves to walk everywhere. He loves to tell you all about the world and show you exactly what he’s talking about with wide eyes and fingers outstretched. He loves to laugh and cackle and scream and dance. He loves to be held when he’s tired and he loves baths more than anything. He loves country music. He loves to play with the dogs and feed them and tease them (hmmm, where’d he learn to do that?). He loves to wake you up early and climb on your head, probably hoping that will get the sleep out of your eyes. He loves long walks that end with him falling asleep on the way back. He loves to watch other kids and play with them, if they’ll let him. He loves to give what he has to others. He loves to demolish a room earning the nickname Lucaszilla.

For Halloween, which is actually tomorrow, his Nana gave him a dinosaur/dragon costume with a long tail and everything. He strutted around this weekend at an art gallery and my sister’s birthday decked out in the thing. He created havoc wherever he went, of course, with his best interpretation of a fire-breathing roar as was possible. It was actually more like a screech, but he just wouldn’t listen when we tried to teach him what the real thing was supposed to sound like. No , he simply looked at us like we were crazy and turned his head to acknowledge that he already knew exactly how a young dragon was supposed to sound and act.

I suppose it’s true though. One of the things I’ve always noticed about kids is that they have the unique ability to completely blow off anything that is happening around them in less time than it takes for the thought to rise up in my head. I’m trying to figure out what’s spinning through that little kid brain and they are utterly gone, just like that, completely ignorant of your reality. It always made me feel small and I never really liked that feeling. I wanted to feel as big as I seemed, all grown up, important, adult. Kids don’t care about all of that stuff. Are you fun? That’s all that matters and if you aren’t there’s something right around the bend that is more fun than you are. In the eyes of a child I’ve grown into quite a bore.

With Lucas I’m learning that I don’t always have to be so damn analytical, so serious or such a bore. It’s okay to just have mindless fun and babble nonsensical wizardry that tickles at the recesses of your mind, the part you forgot about a long time ago. It’s okay to roll on the floor until you’re both giggling hysterically, cackle until you can’t breath. It’s okay to sit down, lie down, take a nap, stop and just don’t have a memory. It’s okay to let some of the crap flow away down the streamless past. To move forward toward what life has to offer, hoping that it might provide a smile. If not…well, then I’ll just have to keep going until I find something that does.

Xtina always had the ability to do that, to find the kid that still existed in her heart. That's one of the things I always loved about her. Even though she can be very serious and demanding, she can also say one simple sentence that pushes us both into juvenile mirth. Now I have two people in my life who help me appreciate the little guy that I used to be, help me run around with scabby knees and joi de vivre.

Thank you my two loves.

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