Tuesday, October 11, 2005

One Year (twelve months)

A few days before the day that Lucas would be on this Earth for exactly one year, I was sitting on the balcony of my Mom’s timeshare looking out on the amazing view that is the west coast of Maui. The sun was slowly descending toward the horizon; the clouds that covered Molokai were blending deep into the ocean blue and the palm trees danced to the warm evening breeze. As I watched this beauty exist before me I felt a profound awareness engulf me.

I was the most fortunate person on the face of the Earth.

It wasn’t due to the fact that I was relaxing in Maui or that I was beginning to smell of a distinct mixture of sea water and chlorine from excessive swimming. It was because at that moment, seeing that such an immense beauty existed in this world and I was a witness to it, I realized what is important in this life.

I had everything I could possibly need, everything that I ever imagined when I was growing up. I have an adorable partner who looks at me with the soft gaze of love all the time. I have a healthy son who is more beautiful than this vision that was before me. I have a supportive family who has given me so much my entire life that I wouldn’t possibly be so happy without them. I have friends that hug me when I see them. I have a philosophical awareness that helps me cope with all of the struggles that greet me day after day. I have a flexible job that gives me time. I have two dogs that love it when I scratch behind their ears. I have music that fills my soul every day and every night. I have so much that not appreciating what I have would be the biggest tragedy this world has ever known.

Lucas grows a little bit every day. He’s almost walking, taking a step here and there, and pretty soon he’s going to have the confidence to take three or four more until there’s no stopping him. He’s this bursting ball of energy with a tuft of red hair that is going the opposite of receding. He’s growing into his own little crazy reality, one so incredibly different than any that has yet to exist, and deep down I know that it is my heart that I am seeing. He speaks of the beauty that I know and understand in my soul. The beauty that exists in that sunset off the beach of Kahana.

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