Monday, April 18, 2005


Often times, when he’s grumpy or really tired and having trouble falling asleep, Xtina will say to me, “Do the dad-walk.” I put him on my shoulder, turn out all the lights, set the volume on the stereo to barely audible and just walk around the room with him. Actually we sort of sway in a delicate dance of tenderness. It is an incredibly beautiful moment for me, and when I perform the dad-walk I really understand the fortune that being a father has brought into my life. I get to stand in my living room, listen to music and hold my son until he falls asleep. Very little compares.

Some of the revelations that I have while I’m sharing this moment with him:
--Every song is amazing! Even songs that I never truly appreciated before sound extraordinarily good when you are in that zone.
--I don’t worry about the future at all. I literally connect to living in that moment.
--Appreciating the vision of the night. Sometimes our need for light seems to drown out that special kinship that we share with the nocturne.
--Learning about the importance of family. I hope I can be a tremendous father and the most positive role model in his life.

The best part of the dad-walk is when he begins to fall asleep. His cheek sinks heavily into my shoulder and the arms around my neck go slack. I feel so close to him that it feels like my heart is going to reach out and consume him whole. It’s amazing how the body of sleep descends into a soft breathing dialogue that exists beyond time and feels deeper than a dream, that’s so wonderfully real it makes you feel like the world was meant for you to be happy.

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