Monday, April 05, 2010

66 Months

"Mommy, the moon looks like a smile."

These are the sentiments of my son as we drive home late at night, the sliver of a moon hanging in the sky. When I hear him make such heart-wrenching declarations I know how sweet and beautiful Lucas is inside his soul. We have been blessed with a precious wonder of the universe and I love to see and hear all the ways the world lights up in his eyes.

It's so easy to simply sit and watch Lucas as he moves through life. He has a special grace that guides his movements and he often will glance up with that twinkle of delight cast in his eyes and those remarkable thoughts surging forth. He has so many big ideas that yearn for understanding, even if they don't exactly make sense the first time. It's okay because he is eagerly seeking to find some truth to this existence. He wants to learn about all of the massive undertakings of the universe even when the kernel of enlightenment might be greater than everything that he will ever know. He revels in the thought and embraces it, then tries to explain the importance of those ideas to others.

Oh yes, he really wants to let you in on all of the magic in the world. It's all out there around us, you know? We have this annoying habit of forgetting how amazing our lives are as we stumble forth searching for clarity and a semblance of purpose. Sometimes the idea of becoming mature and honorable adults hinders our ability to perceive the gorgeous chorus that swirls around our hallowed heads. We become so strict and righteous that looking through the eyes of a child has become a nuisance instead of a gift. Perhaps that is why our schools all have metal detectors and we throw five-year-olds in detention when they don't adhere to a social paradigm (and why do we have social standards for five-year-olds in the first place?) Maybe we've lost touch with the element of grace that used to keep our heart glistening in our eyes. Which could be the reason violence has become the candy of choice for all of the bright young children of tomorrow; from Tranformers clutching at four-year-old hearts to online wargames numbing these toy soldiers toward acts of cowardice so prevalent in our collective consciousness, causing heads to shake and staunch representatives to fight for more self-righteous control under the guise of keeping our children safe.

That's why I am so grateful to wake up and have this beautiful boy in my life. I know that each day the lasso grabs at him and pulls him back toward some preordained ideology that is awash in the stain of sickness; racism, sexism, violence and Disney; but for now he is all mine and I get to decide what pill he will swallow. I know there's a false sense of innocence in the idea that he is so innocent and every meltdown that occurs because practicing violin every day is a tragedy beyond repair reminds me of that folly, but he truly is innocent compared to all of the torturous souls that I see all around me everyday (thanks a lot Dick Cheney!). We only have a short time to cherish our wonderful children. Through tears and laughter and smiles and heartache, we press forward and try to remember how healing each and every hug can be. Lucas still makes me want to wrap my arms around him with mucho enthusiasm each and every time that I get to see him.

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