Tuesday, September 05, 2006

23 Months

My precious boy is almost two. Now's the time for him to learn. For him to potty-train. To learn how to read. To learn how to tie his shoes. Button his shirt. His pants. Buckle his belt. To brush his teeth. To find an appropriate school to mold his blossoming mind. To shape his vocabulary To shape his heart and mind. To teach him how to love and appreciate himself. He's learning so fast I can hardly keep up.

It's a wonder they don't all run away from us, leave us in the dust of our retreat. The age of our years consuming us until we can no longer recognize the beauty in the future. I think that so many of us parents fall into this trap. It's so hard to find the time to breath. I can barely find the time to write about him. But we have to recognize the beauty in our precious children.

Before I reached this point in my life , I always worried that I would never be good enough to raise a child of my own. I always listened to the broken-hearted confessions of parents who can no longer see the future. I imagined that my life would be sucked dry by the parasite that sprung from my loins. What a miserable place to be. What a sad, sad room within my imagination. But those people didn't understand that they turned into the sun and were blinded when they tried to see all the glory that lay before them. In order to see what the sun can reveal you must turn your back to it and look at everything around you. You must stop waiting for the universe to reveal itself with you and realize that it's easier to see it glowing within others. When we see the beauty in others the world opens up and even the dark corners step into the light.

When I look at my little man I am filled with an incredible joy that I never imagined existed. I am completely happy when the visions of Xtina and Lucas fill my mind. I am a happily married father. It's F---ing fabulous! My life is better with a child and I encourage everyone to engage in this wonderful occurance.

But it isn't easy, I assure you, but then again when has life ever been easy. That which you truly appreciate in your life will come through some trial our burden that you must overcome. Ours now is a blend of laughter mixed with anxiety. How will we raise him into a self-confident self-realized human? Will we let him down or will we become the greatest parents ever? What type of person will he become? One that society despises or one that all humanity will adore? Mahtma Gandhi or Adolph Hitler? The truth will probably lie somewhere in the middle as it does with all of us, but he's already an angel so I have great hope.

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