Monday, July 18, 2011

41 Months (part two)

So Quinn tells us a story regarding one of her past lives. She informs us that she used to be someone named Padresher and that she lived somewhere else, somewhere far away. In this other life she didn't live very long because she was burned in a fire and once she realized that her life was over, she came back to be with Mommy in this life. She didn't say these things with any sense of concern or fear or terror, though my initial reaction was something along those lines. In fact, when she spoke about being back with Mommy here in this life, she was expressing it as if she were very happy about it.

I have mixed feelings about these strange stories that come out of the children. For one, I am extremely intrigued and mesmerized by the incredible imagination that is flowing through their little brains. When they speak with the tongue of a storyteller, the worlds that they create are alive and beautifully detailed. It's an aspect of childhood that I recall vividly and that creative spirit has always been something that I loved to develop in my own life, as we can see on this very site. Plus, since I have a deep connection to these two little wonders of human existence, I also am quickly pulled into their narrative like a life-long fan. Even the seemingly ordinary happenings in their lives come across as interesting or amazing at times. They light up the world for me and that draws me into the story just as any good storyteller would.

But there are also aspects of these weird tales that make me wonder what is actually happening out there in the universe and in what way are we connected through time and space. I'm no physicist but I love to play one when I have the time to dream about the amazing wonders of the cosmos. Even though we know very little about our place as it relates to everything else in the universe and beyond, we are learning so much all of the time and many theories are constantly being examined that shed new light on many of our perceptions about what is actually going on in life. We don't know that reincarnation is true any more than we know of the existence of God. It's all speculative and strange and ethereal, so when people try to tell me that they absolutely know exactly how these theories play out, I always turn a skeptical head away and try to become enlightened in other meaningful ways or I attempt to engage them in rational dialog in order to come to a better understanding on the subject.

On the other hand, we have come to accept certain truths about the cosmos that have been verified by scientific observation throughout the ages. One of those truths is that energy never just disappears. Energy transfers from one form to another and the idea of nothingness is just latent energy that hasn't manifested in any physical way yet. When you turn off your light at night, the electricity doesn't just vanish along with the illumination. The energy circuit has been stopped via the light-switch on the wall but the power of that energy is still very much alive at that point of contact that has been broken by the switch. We perceive that the electricity has been shut off but the light has simply gone latent in anticipation of the switch being flipped back the other way.

What happens when the life-switch that is human energy is switched off? Where does that energy go? This is the eternal question humans have been wrestling with as long as the idea of death could be formed into a cohesive thought. The idea of reincarnation is that the energy from a human life has simply gone into a latent form waiting to manifest into a new existence, whatever that may mean? Is it actually possible that the energy entity that is Wade Pavlick could completely manifest into another human being that has some karmic connection to who I am in this life? Do I have some karmic connection to human beings that lived long ago, famous or not? Personally I don't think that energy manifests so concretely and obviously but I really don't know that much about it. I've read that our cells are actually transforming themselves through some micro-process of energy transfer manifestation in such a way that every ten years we are no longer physically the same people we were before. But we also are dragging along some form of karmic or habitual awareness with us so that, even if we are not physically the same, our brains are generally perceiving the world through similar eyes as the Wade from ten years ago. Or, as some may like to say, our souls have not changed. Our hearts and minds are still connected to that other entity.

Does that mean that I suddenly believe in reincarnation because my three-and-a-half year old daughter told me about a past-life existence? Of course not, but this isn't the first time that I've noticed strange occurrences that really have no plausible explanation. When our dog Mishu was about to give birth to puppies, Christina woke up in the middle of the night from a dream and immediately told me about it. One of the puppies was going to be black with beige spots on the face. Neither one of our dogs were black, Mishu being extremely blond and Schmokie carrying a light brown sandy coat. I didn't think much about it except for the fact that she was very descriptive regarding this future puppy that would soon be in our lives, which I was shocked to discover turned out to be true in exact form. I've had very strong instances of deja-vu that cannot be explained, as I'm sure anyone could also say. I've also often wondered why it is that we are attracted to certain people and repelled by others. Not just in a romantic way but just in every day interaction, such as having a conversation or watching how someone moves their body. I know that there may be some scientific explanation for all of this but sometimes it just feels more nuanced than that.

That doesn't mean that I'm going to go around spouting off about the absolute truth of the Flying Spaghetti Monster but my awareness of this life has been greatly altered by the two children who have entered into it in a very dramatic way. My life revolves around the three people in my life who have become my family. I have put a lot of energy into this family and that energy transfers through me with profound devotion. So when Quinn decides to explain to me, with complete earnestness, about a previous life as a human named Padresher, then I am going to listen with my whole being. Because there is very little in this life as precious as your own children expressing new ideas with their developing brains.

For all that we know, it may simply be an elaborate metaphor for the difficulties that she's facing and that her mother is the person who makes her feel the most safe right now. Or she may have been talking to Lucas about their life together and it may have awakened her to the unique dream of the ways humans interact with the universe.

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