Friday, February 05, 2010

64 Months

Lately, I heard through the grapevine that Lucas doesn't find me very funny. The exact phrasing was something like this, "No, my dad isn't that silly." Lucas loves to be silly. He reminds me of the falling on the floor comedians of old, throwing himself around with a big hysterical guffaw bellowing from his lips as he flops down. He makes faces and tells the same joke a hundred times trying to get the same initial laugh. He's a crack-up and he wants everyone else to be a crack-up too.

So I started watching his reaction toward things that I said and did with him and sure enough, I have a difficult time getting him to smile, even when I'm trying real hard. That really made me pull out my prime stuff, making a big effort to get in through his skin and tap that funny bone of his. It's been slow work but I'm starting to recognize his particular brand of humor and learn how to emulate it for him. Whew, it's hard work being a dad.

I've never been the funniest guy in the world. I've always been a pensive, wait until I get comfortable before bringing out my best material kind of guy. There are certain people who somehow bring it out of me and they usually end up being some of my best friends; my old roommate, cousin, and of course my beloved Xtimu; but good laughs are not my forte. Even when I look at my creative work, it usually comes out very somber or dramatic or thoughtful, not that humor can't be any of those things. The closest I get to being funny often ends up being just strange and quirky, though I like to think that I get a smirk every now and then.

I don't know what it is about our culture but one of the rites of passage that youth are continually faced with is the pressure to perform in front of their peers. Everyone must outdo their buddies and this quality only escalates once drinking and drugs enter the equation. That's why so many bars are filled with a cacophony of shrieks and cheers and groans as the clientele attempts to purchase their portion of the pedestal of cool. Perhaps that's why so many teenagers are sullen creatures whose thick hides adults find so difficult to pierce. When they are away from their comrades they are constantly trying to come up with new material so that they might not lose a rung on the social ladder. What a nightmare to have to participate in such a ritual and when I see the youth of today performing in this way, it just makes me cringe. I never imagined that I would go through it all again, vicariously through the lives of my children.

Perhaps I'm making more out of it than the situation really displays. Very little bothers me nowadays with my social interactions amongst those in our Amerikan civilization but I do worry a little about my relationship with my children. I have faith in my ability to do the right thing for them and I usually am very confident with the path Xtimu and I are guiding them toward, but there are times when the idea of walls being constructed between me and my children looms in my mind. Traditionally our western culture doesn't provide much guidance in the ways of creating intimacy for fathers and sons. So when I hear about Lucas expressing concern about some of my behavior the first thing I think about is how to overcome this barrier. I know that the only way for me to remain in his heart is for me to be truly sincere with him at all times. Sincerity for me is a true expression of the soul and that's when my romanticism comes out and what is more romantic than connecting intimately with your family?

So I guess the question I'm faced with today is how can I remain sincere and make him laugh his ass off?

Labels: , ,


Post a Comment

<< Home