Five Months: Part Two

There comes a moment in each child's life when they are cherished so deeply as a vital specimen of human ingenuity. I think that this is that moment for me, five months old, for whenever I put them in my arms, they fit so perfectly and their warm heat settles down into me. When I hold Quinn like that, I feel how special she is to me. Once Lucas reached a certain age, the essence of baby left his small frame and amnesia struck my brain, I couldn't recall this place that I held with him. Now that Quinn has reached this age, it's all flooding back into my heart. These creatures are so special and so pure, you can't help but love them fully.

She's beginning to develop rapidly now. She manipulates her hands with more dexterity and even reacts when something falls from her grasp or lingers too near. She's sitting now with strength in her back and always watching with full eyes. So many people tell me that she looks just like me and I guess that's true, but her eyes are so big and bright and round. She has cartoon eyes, just like Lucas did but in a different way. I don't know if that's simply how babies develop, with big bright eyes or if my biased perspective just adores my two beauties infinitely.

She definitely has my smile. I remember for all of my youth I had to listen to a million people tell me about how beautiful my smile was, which only caused me to smile more until I ached from the exertion. It wasn't until later, in my twenties, that I grew tired of blessing the whole world with that smile, so I squashed it and only used it when I absolutely felt happy or when I got supremely blasted. Now, when she graces us with one of her giant grins (quite often by the way), I see exactly what everyone was talking about. Then I remember my dad and my cousins and all of the Pavlicks grinning like that and it springs the very smile upon my lips. What a pleasure to embrace life so full of ardor. I hope that she smiles forever because she really has it, really makes you feel exquisite inside.

Don't children have that ability though? It only takes the process of squeezing a five month old baby close to your heart to pull out any negative claws that coldly clutch at your insides. A softness erupts from deep within your belly and emanates with vital nutrients throughout your body and your mind drifts beyond the squalid affairs of the world. You are a precious protector of this amazing life that has chosen you to be the parent. What a glorious honor. What a noble moment for anyone to behold.

Quinn helps me everyday. When I forget how important I am to the world. When I loose faith in my power. When the horizon gets hazy. When the dark smoke fills my heart. She is a precious entity that lifts me above the clouds, higher than I ever imagined I could go.