Bellyrubs

The greatest of all sensations for me is the bellyrub. Lying on my back I descend into a nirvana-like state when fingers from heaven softly caress my navel. I become light as the ether and nothing can pull me away from this tranquility. The Gods, as the perfect act of compassion for dogs, ordained bellyrubs. It’s true, the Gods and I have a long running dialogue going and I can attest that if you wish to please the almighty you should start by giving your dog a bellyrub. Or you can think of it as a reward for a job well done. Hey, we don’t have to warn you when the postman comes. We don’t have to greet you with eager anticipation when you arrive home from your hateful job. We don’t have to tolerate baths and howl for bones and be there when you need a little warmth against your belly. We do all of these things because we love you, and the best way for you, our trusted friend, is to reciprocate in kind and kick down some bellyrubs.

Although the most hated image that goes through any dogs brains is the vision of a cat getting a bellyrub. That’s simply indogmane. I know there are some of our species, who have decided that cats are not really that evil. But this is just wrong. Cats should live in the gutter and eat rotten vegetables like the gray monster cruising 42nd street. This is their true lot in life and they should simply accept the way that it is and quit bullying their way into our territory. I, mishupishu for one, will not allow it. One day, when I am governor, it will be a felony to give cats bellyrubs.

Bellyrubs are the best thing in the whole wide world. Please don’t cheapen it. Even schmokie likes bellyrubs. I know it’s hard to believe but it’s true. I know he’s a weird dog, but I’ve learned to ignore most of his shortcomings and let him share my home. Sometimes I have to put him in his place but he still deserves a bellyrub every once in awhile. Although when he tries to nudge his way into one of my bellyrubs I just want to bite his nose right off or tear his tongue right out of his mouth. When did a sign of senility become cute anyway? He’s my best friend though, and he has his good days. He keeps me preoccupied when the man and the woman have decided that they are too good to give bellyrubs. And how about a goddamn walk once in awhile!

In conclusion I only have one thing to say. Never ever denounce a good bellyrub. You’ll regret it in the end. There are certain things in life that we all grow to love for whatever reason. We find them in many different situations and with many different people. I know exactly where I would find mine. If one day I had the opportunity to get a bellyrub from Doug Martsch, I know that I would never look back. His fingers curling through my fur making my legs turn to jelly. His gentle soul spilling from his lips as he hums one of his luscious songs to me. I imagine the way that he handles the guitar and...Oh I’m sorry, I just...I’m getting too emotional.